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退一步,海阔天空

原来可以不用去在意她是否存在还是不存在。
原来可以不用刻意让自己表现得不自然。
当初的美梦,
可以在那一瞬间变成碎片,零落在脚边。

或许,
我可以重来。
或许,
她可以介入。

执著于不该执著的。
相信于不该相信的。
坚持,与不该坚持的…
一切一切都在自我安慰。
一切一切都在…撒娇。

何不让自己微笑欢送那一段不真实的情感呢?
这何尝不是一种善美吗?对自己的一个交待。

何不,退一步,海阔天空呢?

再见啦,我最爱的人。


Recent Me

Learnt a lesson that cost me three digits number,
Just close a bit to get serious scam,
Bury myself in the world of debit and credit.

That's what i'm doing right now.

Thought of going to a vacation but reality seems playing around with me.
But still haven't give up yet because it's a chance to see the other country by myself without family around me. Hopefully i will be back in one piece.

Still paying debts off my account.
Still learning what is what between society and me.
Regret about giving up a relationship that suppose to be a happy ever after.
Sick of some left without saying goodbye.

Maybe. Just maybe.
I would like to trade my own memories for one day just to forget all the hates and all the hurts.

Life is tough but i'll get on it.


Forever?

Recall back.
We were super best friend.
Thinking back.
We will find each other no matter how far it is.
Rewind back.
We promise each other that no matter what, we will stick together as one cause I believe the bond between us will never broke.

Silly. Fool. Stupid.
There's nothing friendship forever.
Looking back on all those mails, those stuffs, those memories,
it really hurt a lot.

Since when the bond disappear?
Since you left?
Since you decided not to contact even though I try to reconnect to you?
Since you turn your back on me even though I try to reach you?
No matter how I tried, it didn't work on us.

Seriously.
I miss the times we spent together.
I miss the moment when you sit beside me and lend me your shoulders.
I miss the time when you said "Everything's will be alright."
I miss all the things that we did together.

Now.
You and I just a couple of people who fighting for their living.
Everything gone back to square one.
You and I.
Just become stranger.

Con…

Getting locked

i admit.
i locked myself out from all the sources.
i admit.
i locked myself out from getting happiness.
i admit.
i locked myself out from getting what i want in my life.
pathetic but true.
"i wish i have that." "i wish i can get out of this mess." "i wish i can..."
all start with "i wish" but ends with sitting down there and start regret.
sometimes,
i kinda fxck up myself.

it's time to change.
it's not too late to do any changes.
but to me,
it always end up with "aiya, whatever lar..."

this is the real me.
the lazy stupid fxcking me!

Lucky

i'm so lucky to be born in this world.
i'm so lucky to have both eyes, both ears, a nose, and a mouth that functional.
i'm so lucky to have a family to love me for who i am.
i'm so lucky....to have all the things that maybe half of the planet who doesn't have it.
i thank my father, my mother, my two annoying sister, my dumb brother.
i thank my friends, my relatives, my strangers.
i thank GOD for giving me all these.
i love them.

not saying that why suddenly become so emotional.
i just want to express it out.

hugs

Image
there's many type of hugging.
i like hugs.
it makes me feel that there's nothing to be afraid of.
when people hug me, my eyes will be like full of tons of tears.
it makes me feel like: i'm glad that you're still here and i can touch your warmth scene.
there's plenty type of hugging.
well,
there's buddy hug, polite hug, bear hug...etc.
FYI,
i get buddy hug EVERY TIME. ==
it remind me graduation day, our first ever fighting day, our first gathering...etc.
every single time of hugging it will totally break my wall and make my tears rolled.
i enjoy it.

BUT,
most of the hugging that i listed there,
i love back hugging!
well,
i don't get a back hugging from opposite sex yet.
still,
i like the feeling of back hugging.
safer, adorable, i'm needed...these hugging makes me feel that kind of feel.
maybe one day,  i will make my FUTURE bf do this!
he's totally need to do this!!

i enjoy hugging.
being hugged or hugging someone...
to me,
hugging means I LOVE YOU A…

Choosing?

i love GOD create people. because it's making my choice so much 'easier'~~ buying a present for myself its a traditional thing to me. to congratulate myself that i've lived safe and sound. for the past 22 years, i gifted myself things that i like most. but,  this year... it become difficult for me to buy that things for myself.
1. Kis-My-Ft2 6th single ( launched EXACTLY 13th FEB 2013!) 2. Bloodlines series-The Indigo Spell (ON SALE one day before my big day!)
BOTH cost about 100 above! well, it's not a big amount to me (FXCK ME!). but, buying two things together kinda tide to me recently. . . . . . . YOU KNOW what?! just screw them! I GET BOTH OF THEM!!!!

FengShui

Ahahahaha...
my cute and sweetest dad told me that i will met my one and only after my birthday.
Ahahahahaha...
recently,
just recently,
i found out that i attracted so much attention from male.
EVEN worst,
the male's mum want to make an arrangement between me and him!
i've never spoke to him more than 10 sentences!...NOPE...5 sentences!!
OMG lotsssss
but above that,
i still stick to my single life.
HEY!
i still don't want to meet someone BECAUSE it's ANNOYING!
you've to check-in with him about 5 minutes;
you've to follow him wherever he go BECAUSE you're worrying about others beehives...
AND most OF ALL!
you've to sent him a good night SMS and listen to him talking his day EVERY NIGHT!!

I did that before.
and it turned out it lasted for 2 weeks end with i get bored.
MUAHAHAHAHA.
DEVIL!
well, that's who i am~ *wink

CONCLUSION:
let it flow...let it go...
I DON'T CARE A SHIT FROM IT!

just a express from my deep heart.

First chapter in 2013

Okay.
let's start what i what to achieve this year.
the first and the mainly...
SLIM!!!!MODEL BODY!!!! SEXY AND HOT BODY!!!!
i can't imagine that i'll be a fat round girl in the next 2 years when i graduated from high school.
OMG lots...
eat, sleep, wake up, eat again, and sleep again...
GOSH!
this is a life of a pig!
in the bright side, i gain the weight that almost touch the average...(what do they call? whatever...)
but in the other side, can't accept what my body become.
i've always proud that i can wear any dress and show people my S shape...
now??
it's like a cupcake explosion!
i can't even buy my favorite dress!!
my new year's closet is full of T-shirts and hot pants...
T.T
what ashamed~
SO,
i've started to cut down the size of each meal,
started doing exercises,
no more sweets! no more potato chips!!(how i miss my potatoes...T.T)
and it turns out,
i'm getting slim from day to day!
OH YEAH!

Next!
SAVING MONEY!
look at me.
i can't even…